hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
