I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize