mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
