What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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