He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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