hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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