proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
