Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
