Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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