ugly people sure do ruin things
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize