Just fell off a train. Bad.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
