next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
