I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
