I'm really into asian looking animals
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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