its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
