chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
don't judge my taste in strippers
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
