Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
