One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize