She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
