Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize