this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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