Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
