this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is pants optional.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
