The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
