i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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