i permit you to call me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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