It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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