i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize