i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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