Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
