sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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