sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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