No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
