I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize