Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
