I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
