But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
