god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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