I look better un-naked...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
