forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
