seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
