i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
