How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
