News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
