i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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