I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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