Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
