Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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