hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
