dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
