guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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