i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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