i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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