you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
