I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
