there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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