I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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