speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
