WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
