I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
