im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
